Been a Long Time Since Posting

Mom, in October after a trip to the beauty shop..

just a few weeks before she got sick.

Well I finally caved in and got my hair colored

the 2nd day of Nov. I like it. Got it cut a little

different also.I turned my cell phone off while I was in the shop and my

brother Jerry was trying to call and tell me my

Mom was not feeling well.

We thought she had a stomach virus.

After taking her to the ER we soon found out she

had a paralyzed colon and 2 other abdominal ruptures.

She could not be operated on. She pulled through but was

very ill for a week.

Mom was in the hospital from the 2nd of Nov till the

day before Thanksgiving and then the Dr transferred her

to the skilled care wing of a local nursing home.

This has been tough. She has been there for 11 days

now and I hate it that she is there

I hate it that I can't take care of her.

I hate it that there are people that look at

me and think I am just fine and should

be able to take my Mom home and take

care of her.

I am exhausted and worn out most of the time.

I try to go to the nursing home everyday.

I usually end up crashing a day every 5 or so.

Invisible illnesses are so hard to deal with..

after all I look ok...why shouldn't I be able to take

care of my almost 90 year old Mom.

CFS....Fibro...and fighting my way back

from major depression has really made this

a hard road to travel ...but I am still here and doing the best I can.

If the best I can don't suit some people that is just too

bad because you know what ???? The best I can doesn't really

make me a very happy camper either.

I think I hate nursing homes but am glad for the care

they can give her....they have got to be one of the

most depressing places to visit and spend time in.

I try to look for something bright and happy or funny

each time I go...it is not always easy to find..but I usually do.

I don't know yet what God has in store for Mom ..she is really

slipping physically and mentally and it just rips my heart out to

watch her slide down hill. I wish she could just try to eat.

She has not eaten anything solid in more than a month....except

a cookie I forced down her yesterday.

She lives on Ensure and other supplements.

It is just plain tough to see her this way.

Lord give me the strength.....to endure....please...AMEN