Been a Long Time Since Posting

Mom, in October after a trip to the beauty shop..

just a few weeks before she got sick.

Well I finally caved in and got my hair colored

the 2nd day of Nov. I like it. Got it cut a little

different also.I turned my cell phone off while I was in the shop and my

brother Jerry was trying to call and tell me my

Mom was not feeling well.

We thought she had a stomach virus.

After taking her to the ER we soon found out she

had a paralyzed colon and 2 other abdominal ruptures.

She could not be operated on. She pulled through but was

very ill for a week.

Mom was in the hospital from the 2nd of Nov till the

day before Thanksgiving and then the Dr transferred her

to the skilled care wing of a local nursing home.

This has been tough. She has been there for 11 days

now and I hate it that she is there

I hate it that I can't take care of her.

I hate it that there are people that look at

me and think I am just fine and should

be able to take my Mom home and take

care of her.

I am exhausted and worn out most of the time.

I try to go to the nursing home everyday.

I usually end up crashing a day every 5 or so.

Invisible illnesses are so hard to deal with..

after all I look ok...why shouldn't I be able to take

care of my almost 90 year old Mom.

CFS....Fibro...and fighting my way back

from major depression has really made this

a hard road to travel ...but I am still here and doing the best I can.

If the best I can don't suit some people that is just too

bad because you know what ???? The best I can doesn't really

make me a very happy camper either.

I think I hate nursing homes but am glad for the care

they can give her....they have got to be one of the

most depressing places to visit and spend time in.

I try to look for something bright and happy or funny

each time I go...it is not always easy to find..but I usually do.

I don't know yet what God has in store for Mom ..she is really

slipping physically and mentally and it just rips my heart out to

watch her slide down hill. I wish she could just try to eat.

She has not eaten anything solid in more than a month....except

a cookie I forced down her yesterday.

She lives on Ensure and other supplements.

It is just plain tough to see her this way.

Lord give me the strength.....to endure....please...AMEN

Another Birthday down....hope many more to come.

Here we are in our clashing shirts!!!

Well today is my birthday and I spent most of it on the

couch resting. So I thought I would post a picture

of Joe and I on a day I was doing good.

This was taken the last week of August when

we went out to eat for one of the grand kid's

birthday. It was a good day. I will have other good days ...today just has not been

one. I am fast to let fear creep in when a bad day hits

now and get stirred up that I am going to fall

back into that pit of depression when in fact

I just have had a lot of family stress and over did

last week.

So, a friend reminded me when I was whining on the

phone earlier today that I had hoped to be doing so

much better on my birthday than I was earlier in the summer..

she told me that with all the "stuff" life had thrown my way

lately ....a healthy person would have been crumbling...so in fact

I AM doing better.

My husband has to start treatments in about 6 weeks

and we have probably 48 weeks of some rough days.

Pray for us.

IT is my 53rd birthday and I have lost a few friends and family

members at younger ages....so any birthday above

ground is a great birthday!!! Got that from

my husband Joe. Bless him he is always looking

for the positive in everything.....and I am a glass half

full gal so he is good for me.

It Is Almost Done....3 1/2 inch 9 patch

I was so happy to have all these pieced together.I got this done a week ago and now all that is

left is the borders and it will be ready to

go to the quilters!!!

Thank you God....seriously ....thank you!

Back To Sewing Again

I am so thankful to be able to be back in my corner

doing some sewing again. I love making quilts.

This is where I create....and I like having the

window with the natural light right next to the

table with my machine. I missed this when

I was in that dark pit.The last time I spent much time in my corner

it was not green outside....actually we had just

gotten over the big Midwest blizzard.

Mom came the first weekend of March and

I didn't sew much after that.

I went to see her down on the farm

today and she seems to be going downhill

with her health. Nothing but old age and

not wanting to eat.

I am not physically able to take care of her

here anymore and that is just the way it

is. I pray she does not end up in a nursing

home.....believe me I pray hard about that.

Not a great view but my view.....bloom where your planted...right?? I have been planted in this home now for 34 years and it is home. Depression is so hard to explain to people and when they would tell me to just get my mind on something else and go sew a little ...oh, how at the time I wished I could. I just could not get my mind to work well enough to do it. I have been on this new antidepressant for almost 2 months now and am a lot better but have a ways to go. It is hard work when you deal with other health issues along with it....the pill is not a magic answer but it sure has helped. Just glad to be doing better. Now if they would just come up with a pill that would make the CFS and FM go away!!

Vacation

No, not me but my sons and their families started

their vacation yesterday.They are headed to Florida. Two vehicles, two sets of parents and 7 kids. These two cousins are the mischievous ones. I wish the " good health fairy" could wave a wand over me and I could be physically able to join my family on one of their trips. Don't think that's going to happen anytime too soon.... So I stay behind in my home and look forward to the daily pics I get on my cell phone which I am thankful for. No need for a pity party as I have opted out of that already today. I told myself to get over it and I am not going to my 35th high school reunion tonight 45 minutes south of here as I don't feel like saying....HI....I am Peggy and in the last years I have had 7 grand kids and CFS and Fibro have highjacked my life and that's all I have to tell you. I know, bad attitude....so best stay home and catch some pics of it on others facebook later in the week.