Design Wall Monday

Well the stack and whacks are on hold...or have been ignored

since the last Monday's post of them. So, I have picked up

a new project to start and it is in the new book about

borders, by Judy L. 

The blocks are 7 and 1/2 inches unfinished, the picture of the

quilt in the book is just beautiful. 

I love adding borders to my quilts that get to the finish line and

this book has a lot in it. It also shows you how to figure for

your borders to fit correctly. 

There is a little hint pic of what this quilt will look like on the

very right side of the front cover, if my health and time allows

it to get to the finish line.

Too, many WIPS at my house and not enough energy and

time!!  There are even more project in magazine

pages and my mind than there will be time!!

Are all quilters this way??

I envy you all that have no health problems

and can accomplish all you set out to do!!!

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ Fibromyalgia just

flat sucks if I may say so!!

It gets in the way of my life...the life I had planned

and the one I am trying to live.

Done whining for now!

or until next time..............



Thimble Collection.....20 Years With CFS

I have collected thimbles longer than I have had

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome!!!

When friends and family travel I am usually blessed with a

thimble or two ...or more when

they return home.

I wish early on I would have dated and named, who they were

from on each of the thimbles,

but I guess when your young you think you'll remember everything. NOT..

So here in later years I have been marking the inside of

them with a thin line Sharpy.I have over 200 thimbles. These are some of my favorites

and ones from my kids latest vacations.

I said I have been collecting thimbles longer than I have

had CFS and that has been longer than 20 years.

This month marks 20 years that I have lived with

this dreaded disease. It was mid March of 1992 that

I got sick with what at the time I thought was a virus,

bug or something..that then turned into strep.

I was diagnosed in Aug of that year with Chronic

Fatigue Syndrome. Life changed a whole lot after

that. I have never been able to function the same

as I did before then...ever. I was a pretty busy person.

Learning to pace myself did not set well...but was forced

upon me.

There have been times of better health and

times of worse. I was even able to go back to work

part time from 1997 to 2002 and after that

I worked some each week on a fill in or call in

basis till Nov 2006. I miss working. It helped

keep my mind on other things and I was around

other people more often then I am now.

Well, in March of 1992, if someone had said ..you will

be living like this for the next 20 or more years I don't think I would have handled it very well.

Heck...I thought I was going to die that summer I

was so sick.

But I have lived 20 years with it, it's hard, it's just flat

the pits, but you know...I have lived.

I have seen my sons marry.

I have been given 7 grand kids and and looking forward

to a new one.

I went through a divorce because of loosing my health

only to be given the best husband I've ever had.

(SHHs I have had 3)

I recently watched my Mom celebrate her

90th birthday.

I have stood at the graves of friends younger

than me that have died of other illnesses...but I have

lived.

So, even with CFS trying to rule my life at times

I HAVE LIVED. Not like I had planned...but

I have lived.

I do not say this lightly....if not for the prayers

of myself, family and friends I am not sure

I would have.

LIVED

Thank you GOD.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Makes Me Feel Like the Cat

This is how I feel today....like crawling under a quilt

and hiding...hiding till good health comes.

That would be a long time of hiding...as

I don't think good health will ever come

again unless God gives me a miracle.I have been doing better but this week I am fighting

a case of diverticulitis and having to take antibiotics

again. I just finished a round a few weeks ago for an

infected tooth. Antibiotics drag me down. I avoid them

till the "last dog dies, or at all cost at times".

After reading some of the other CFSers posts, I wonder

if I am having herxing symptoms when on

antibiotics.

I have no right to gripe, as last year was very rough

and I have a lot of stress with Mom. Stress with my

husband's health, older brother's health and family

stress in general...not to mention the economy.

So I am thankful I have been doing as well as

I have been.

Mom is living in a little "Senior Apartment" not far

from us and we have home health coming in

twice a day to help with her. It is a lot better

than dealing with her being in the nursing home.

I still had to go there everyday to stay on top

of things with her there...now we do it in the apartment.

I really do not think she will ever go back to the

farm to live again. I am sorry for that....I know

she gets homesick for her home, but I can

care for her better here and get better help to

come in with her in this county.

Goldie still loves to find new hiding places and

she really likes the quilts that are sitting waiting

for me to bind them. Putting off binding my quilts

is my worst habit....I think sometimes it is because

they are so big and it take so much energy to wrestle

them around to get them through the sewing machine.

Or that is my excuse...really it is true.

Back To Sewing Again

I am so thankful to be able to be back in my corner

doing some sewing again. I love making quilts.

This is where I create....and I like having the

window with the natural light right next to the

table with my machine. I missed this when

I was in that dark pit.The last time I spent much time in my corner

it was not green outside....actually we had just

gotten over the big Midwest blizzard.

Mom came the first weekend of March and

I didn't sew much after that.

I went to see her down on the farm

today and she seems to be going downhill

with her health. Nothing but old age and

not wanting to eat.

I am not physically able to take care of her

here anymore and that is just the way it

is. I pray she does not end up in a nursing

home.....believe me I pray hard about that.

Not a great view but my view.....bloom where your planted...right?? I have been planted in this home now for 34 years and it is home. Depression is so hard to explain to people and when they would tell me to just get my mind on something else and go sew a little ...oh, how at the time I wished I could. I just could not get my mind to work well enough to do it. I have been on this new antidepressant for almost 2 months now and am a lot better but have a ways to go. It is hard work when you deal with other health issues along with it....the pill is not a magic answer but it sure has helped. Just glad to be doing better. Now if they would just come up with a pill that would make the CFS and FM go away!!

Rise (Slideshow with Lyrics)

This is a song that has been lifting me up a lot lately....Renee, after reading your post I decided to try and post this in hope that it would speak to you and lift you up..Rise my blogger friend Rise....Greater is he that is in you!!!

I Have been Gone toooooo Long

I have totally had a CFS relapse and some other health problems to deal with and have neglected my blog for too long. I just thought I would come on here and say I am alive and kicking just not kicking too much!! Life has been rough lately. My Mom went back to her own home on Memorial Day as I am not able to look after her at this time. My older brother is spending nights with her and my other brother's wife looks in on her in the daytime. I feel terrible about not helping with her at this time but I have got to try to somewhat gain back my own health. Do not ever....I say ever .....let any medical professional take you straight off your anti depressant without tapering you down.....even if it is supposed to be for your heart health. I am digging my way out of a big dark hole that was created by this and hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Back in the late 90's when I was put on Nortriptyline they did not know it could interfere with cardiac health and by the time I knew ....wham.....I was there having rhythm and bp problems. So am now still sorting those out along with that thyroid problem and praying to find another antidepressant I can tolerate that will help with depression anxiety and pain and I don't tolerate changing meds well. People with CFS are really sensitive.....anyway that is my speel for now. Hope to start catching up with some of you all in the next few weeks....my husband has put a plug behind the couch and now I can plug in my laptop as my battery in it needs replaced.

Medical Appointments....venting...

I absolutely hate going to Dr and Dentist appts. I have been having trouble with my thyroid and my blood pressure. When I try the meds I have reactions and I get so tired of the medical professionals questioning me to see if it is in my head??? I will tell you after all the years of being ill I know when I am having a panic or nervous reaction to something and I know when a medicine is causing me to have a reaction. After passing the age of 50 and still hearing this ......I am just about to the point when it starts to just get up and walk out. I am in a rut and seem to do better if I just stay on my regular meds and try not to add anything to the mix. I am just venting here..... Why can't the Dr's just listen and try to believe what you tell them?

"More Than Ever" By Russ Taff & The Isaacs

This is a song I listen to and I find that it calms my spirit as I travel this journey called life, while living daily with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. There are times that the valleys get very low and the hills are like mountains that I can't seem to climb. When those days hit me, it is at the foot of the cross I turn to, as nothing else can replace what I find there in Christ JESUS.

Oh To Live a Cats Life, Free of CFS and Worry

This is how I feel.....I'd like to just stick my tongue out

at illness.Look it straight in the face.....without fear.

Crawl in my box....in the sun. Turn my back on the worries and stress.

But, can't do that, must go forward.

I've lost almost a whole week bending to the

demands of illness.

Missed Thanksgiving with family.

Missed the laughter of my grand kids....and

their squabbling.

Missed eating things I love.

But, I will go forward one day at a time and

CFS and illness may be in my life but

it does not own my life.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Support in a Book

This is a book I often turn to for support.

It is full of short stories from others walking

the same path, or one similiar, to the path

I am walking. I guess I should say, path I am

climbing, as it sure feels all uphill most of the time.

This was published in the late 90's and I recieved it as

a gift from the Workman Family in 2003.

I am "forever grateful" that they ran across this

and bought it for me.

Lynn Vanderzalm writes............. Like a sunny day in the middle of a gray, dreary winter.

God can recharge our souls in the midst

of a time of sickness and exhaustion.

Welcome Fall and Better Days

I welcome fall but more than that I'd like to welcome some good days. I pretty much lost 3 days to CFS and pain this week already. I just hate that. Haven't touched my sewing machine in over a week or so. Messing with fabric and sewing gets my mind off pain and fatigue, that is when I am up to it.....it's a fine line. Joe drove me to McDonald's drive through early this afternoon to get a yogurt parfait. That is the first time I have been out of the house since Monday morning. I was not feeling to woopy Monday am and went in a local store to look at clothing with my Redhead DIL and there were strong scents wafting through the air. We were not there long but it helped push me on over the edge. I was in bed by mid afternoon with a headache and Tues. and Weds. were not much better. Today has been better, thus I am looking forward to welcoming some better days....please Lord. My 88 year old mother is needing me to do some things for her and I had to try to explain why I was not up to it yet today. She is a 45 minute car ride from our house. It really stresses me to not be able to do for her like I wish I could. It just about stresses me out worse when others expect me to and don't understand why I am not there for her more. I really do not know how in the world you parents with CFS do it with younger kids. My boys were in high school when CFS hit me and that was hard enough. Now I need to get a grip on handling an elderly parent while dealing with CFS/FM.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

This rocking chair is a place I spend a little time when it is not too hot or too cold and I want just a little sunshine on my face. Other times it's the rocking chair in the house. Too often though it is my bed. I have CFS. It is an invisible disease. I have lived with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia for many years. It was March of 1992 when I first became ill. Months past and I was diagnosed with CFS, later the Fibro was added to the list. Lately CFS has taken more of my days under it's rule than I care to count.

I don't talk about it much because I live with it everyday and whats to say....I feel like calling it a new name today. CFS > CAN'T FUNCTION, SORRY!! Below I am posting something I recently read that I think explains it in a nutshell.

___Good days, bad days, and invisibility____

An invisible illness is one that isn't readily apparent to the people who don't have it. Two factors contribute to a disease's invisibility.

NO OBVIOUS SIGNS......Sufferers don't use a wheelchair or crutches, don't exhibit hideous rashes or scarring, and generally don't "look sick."

SYMPTOMS GO UNDERGROUND.......Due to the illness, sufferers often can't leave the house. When they do, it's on a relatively good day, when they're feeling better. The friends and family who see them on those good days assume, wrongly that the sick person always looks and functions that well.

That pretty much says how it is...yep it does.